Our friends at the Orlando Informer’s PARK NEWZ division have gone over all the leaked blueprints…. all the overhead helicopter photos… all the construction permits filed with the state of Florida… Here’s what will be coming to Universal Studios Florida in the new Wizarding World of Harry Potter expansion!
The JK Rowling Royalties Clock will be the first thing Muggles see when they walk into Diagon Alley. It’s a breathtaking reminder of every dollar, cent, quid, pound and galleon that JK Rowling is making off this fantastical land.
Every time a butterbeer is drank, an official Harry Potter Quidditch uniform is bought, or a chocolate frog consumed, the Clock keeps ticking as it adds up the fat stacks! Step aside George Washington, the bills within this clock carry the visage of someone truly important!
Even smaller stores
JK Rowling demands a level of authenticity that many theme parks simply can not deliver. Sure, upon first glance, Disney’s Cars Land in California seems spectacular, but why would automobiles build a restaurant that serves human food? It doesn’t make any sense. The universe that JK Rowling has built for Harry Potter demands accuracy in every sense of the word, and that includes the extremely small retail spaces that one can expect to find in England.
When Universal Studios built Hogsmeade village as part of the original WWoHP, it made Honeydukes, Zonkos, and Filch’s Emporium smaller and more cramped than any retail space in any theme park in North America. It was good, but it wasn’t good enough. The level of frustration and lack of personal space still didn’t quite nail the shopping experience that those living in the UK have to deal with. The quick thinkers at Universal Creative solved the problem by making all the stores in Diagon Alley 25% smaller. So suck in that gut and leave the baby strollers outside. The only thing that’s large here is the prices.
More rethemed rides
When the original Wizarding World of Harry Potter opened in Summer of 2010, it was an unprecedented theme park blockbuster despite having only one new attraction. Crowds have kept up and both merchandise and food sales are through the roof. Guests have spoken, and what they have declared loudly and clearly is that they love old attractions rethemed to Harry Potter!
So in the spirit of The Flying Unicorn and Dueling Dragons changing to Flight of the Hippogriff and Dragon Challenge, Universal will present three “new” attractions for the Harry Potter expansion:
SIRIUS BLACK BOGGART ATTACK
This attraction is a spinning, spell-shooting dark ride that used to be MEN IN BLACK Alien Attack, but you’ll never be able to tell!
In this interactive ride guests will board their vehicle that have been equipped with wands. The vehicles will travel through Black’s family house – 12 Grimmauld Place – which has been bewitched to look like the streets of New York City. The house has been overrun with a bunch of escaped boggarts, who have all taken the appearance of aliens from space. Guests will use their wands to shoot the boggarts in order to get points.
FEAR FACTOR LIVE FEATURING DEMENTORS
The most extreme audience participation show ever now features Dementors straight from the wizard prison Azkaban!
It’s the same show you loved before, with gravity-defying stunts performed in front of thousands, now with soul-sucking fiends keeping watch from the stage.
HAGRID’S FIRST YEAR BOAT RIDES TO HOGWARTS
This thrilling attraction invites guests to become “first years” heading to Hogwarts for the first time. Captained by Rubeus Hagrid using state of the art projection technology, the boat will travel across Black Lake in the Hogwarts tradition. However, Black Lake has been mysteriously bewitched to appear like a New England island town by Lucious Malfoy. Along the way “first years” may also find their boat attacked by Victor Krum, apparently still stuck in his animangus form of a shark from the TriWizard Tournament! It’s an action packed thrilling adventure as only JK Rowling and Universal Creative can deliver.
Unlike WWoHP in Islands of Adventure, the Harry Potter makeover of Universal Studios Florida won’t be contained in just one area. With a MyPotter+ lanyard ($59.95, not required), everywhere guests look they will see Potterized versions their favorite attractions, dining locations, and shows. Here are just two examples of how MyPotter+ will enhance your Universal experience:
HARRY POTTER CAFE
Not only is all the food inside magically themed to the Harry Potter universe (such as Ron Weasley’s pepperoni pizza slices and Dobby presents: Nathan’s famous hot dogs), there’s even a photo-op outside where guests can have their picture taken with a cardboard cut-out of The Boy Who Lived!
This is the restaurant Potter fans have been waiting for!
HE WHO SHALL NOT BE NAMED GROUP
One part science, one part laughter, one part music, and one part evil looking dudes with no nose, He Who Shall Not Be Named Group will be the toast of CityWalk revelers and Orlando’s culture connoisseurs alike.
You’ll be amazed the entire time with a huge smile across your face, and not just because you’re under the Imperius curse!
What do YOU think of this
INCREDIBLE NEWS PARODY?! We hope you’ve enjoyed the funny imagination of Orlando Informer as much as we did. (In case you’re still confused, this was all a funny satire and is NOT real.
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